At the age of 22, making a life decision is one of the toughest
things I have to do. I cant even know what future holds for me. It seem everything
not fall into its place. Everything is wrong, ya wrong. Mistake after mistake. Hurts
after hurts. You cant do nothing unless accept it. Even it smells bad, it taste
bad. What you have to do is accept it.
They don’t actually want to listen. In return from everytime
I told, hurt. The scenario of being hurt keep on replay up in there. I think I was
an unplanned child they accidently have. Or its just my degree is not on medic
line? I know I was a bad child, but do I
deserve this? Idk, you judge yourself dear future me.
I was offered to continue my studies in ICSA in uitm again.
The course/line/field studies that they don’t know it was there in this fucking
world. So one week before the registration, I do cancel the offer (the offec only for fucking 28 students!) and continue
living under the same roof with them. I do cut off all my dreams (even my nafsu sbb i dah takde duit now), all and
everything I dreamt of. For the good sake of everyone. Am I doing the right decision? Fill up to
continue studies in MBA also just a halfway through because for the sake of
every fucking people in this world.
Rezeki from Allah is beyond you can imagine, it all about
timing and readiness. If you cant even give back what He wants, then who are
you to get what you want. The plan after plan is change. The future line is
still on the growth part, still under construction. Looking everyone of my colleague
get the job they want already make my self even worst stress and mess. Idk.
Make dua and never give up. One day, the day will come. The economy
will be much more stable. You will survive. Self, you should not give up, cause champion
never stop, girl. The time will come, and you will get the job. Life is not a
race after all, it’s just a journey where everyone’s road is different. And
wasn’t is be more true than life is like a wheel, and im now on site hitting
the roads down there for just to make it move. Be though dear self. You will
get there. After all, on this road called life, you have take the good with the bad, smile with the sad. Or ada mana-mana duda handsome kaya nak jadikan I isteri? I sudi.
The more you wake up, the more you
realize everything that’s happening is a sign. Books open at the right
place when you’re beginning to become awake. You can be saved by
messages you read in the sign of the road. You can be illumined by
somebody sitting next to you in a bus and humming a folk song that goes
straight to the core of your problem, because the whole world is divine
and these signs are flashing out everywhere. That is the key to awakening.
– Andrew Harvey
I am not ready to face everything. Till then, echa.
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