Hi and Assalamualaikum semua! When I was writing this post, I was in my sister’s living room. Alone, in the middle of the night while Dengan Nama Tuhan by Teman Lelaki keep on playing on the lowest volume but still can entertain me. When this post is out, that’s mean tomorrow we have enter a brand new year, 2021. That’s also mean that I will age by another one year older. That’s sound scared and terrifying. Hahaha but yeah still acting cool.
Actually I don’t know why i wrote this post. Why my finggers keep on pushing every words on this screen. It just happen. Maybe, deep down me needed this. Need me to remember something about this year, 2020. Less than 24 hours to enter new year, and there is something that I wanted to tell to my future self. Why I did on here? Which ya takdok sapa dok kalut nak baca blog. Apa blog pun im pretty sure no younger people know. But to stress out here, that I believe writing in blog is different. Don’t get me wrong, I wrote on my journal, diary and any other piece of papers heheh it give you butterflies in your stomach when u reread it again in future. Sukar untuk saya lafazkan dengan kata kata.
Okay jom start. I wanted to make this post special, where by tomorrow I will enter the half end of 20s. Looking back my 25 years self, I would probably said that I am super proud of my self. Basically I achieved everything that on my list of “Before 25” Good job dear self. Maybe some said what I have now is nothing to compares others, but worried not I syukur sangat2 in everything that I owned today. I know that I should not stop here, I should be more ambitious, more goals. Which is correct, I have my new list of “Before 30” InsyaAllah we will meet again on 2025? I bersyukur that Allah gave me the best life for about 25 years. I take all the positive things happen je to sum up. Sebab I think all the bad things happen to me actually brings good to me contoh I accident, Abah bg kereta baru kat saya hehehe love u Abah!
When talking about future, I would not know what will happen. Contohnya macam tahun ni Allah datangkan penyakit berjangkit yang kita tak nampak. And all the rancangan for the year probably tak menjadi. Dan sesungguhnya perancangan Allah itu yang terbaik. Ramai terkesan with this pandemic, and I really hope that all those person will be stronger and semoga Allah sentiasa nelimpahkan rezeki kepada mereka. Kepada masa depan yang tak pasti, in my last day of 2020 I would hope that you will be more stronger to face everything. Amin InsyaAllah.
Well, actually mind if I share here. That yesterday I have a very very bad day. I was at my lowest. I lost. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I was not me. I beg people to be with me, I super extra clingy to ask my friend to teman I. And hate that. I hate that all of sudden I unable to be independent which I used to. Then my friend make me realise something, that I should have someone to teman my life. I cannot dah duduk sendiri. Then, the words goes deeeeeeeppppp in me. Hm. I was sad. Really really sad. But I trust in Allah and at the same time I do also keep on searching. I believe that he also searching for me too. It just that our path is not cross to each other. My family said that I am too choosy. Tapi saya perlu cari orang yang boleh jadi bapa kepada anak saya. That’s hard. I do blame my self to set out long list preference that I look in a man.
Dear blog, if I told you this that’s mean I will remember about this until forever. I yakin I dah sedia nak ingat this things. I met someone 2.5 years ago. We work on the same office. I completely have no feelings for him. Then, there is one moment happen “future me know” not gonna put here.. that I fall for him. Really hard. I don’t want that feeling. I deny it everyday. I push him away. I said to myself that I don’t want him. It just that I’m lonely that day. So many happens between two of us. Two years kan banyak pahit manis jadi. Dari dia masa tu I yakin that he give a try on me jugak sampai lah..... he is trying on a new person now. Which the person yang I tak sangka despite of his ex and so on. Tapi mungkin jodoh diorg... tapi yang make me sad that the girls is among us as well and I can say that she also always trying flirt him as well. And it make me feel jerk and thats bad i know. But I would probably mengaku here that I am quite jealous sampai I jadi benci that girls and i don’t want to be friend dah to that girls Tapi I tak boleh because we are in a group friend now. I can’t Unfriend her. I keep asking myself that kenapa I nak cemburu sedangkan that man Takde pun list future bapak kpd anak I yang I nak. Errrrrrre I hate this feeling and I hope it will go away by 2021. I don’t know that Betul ke I still have feeling for himmmmm Ya Allah if the feeling will bring good to us, please ease our ways and if not please let me forget the feeling I have for him.
So after on the above story. I harap I dapat jumpa my future soon. I wanted to have a serious relationship which I know that I am now ready to hold the responsiblity. Persetankan orang cakap yang marriage is not the goals of life. But I think I have enough monotonous life. I need to go to my next phase of life. I pray to Allah to ease my way untuk jumpa jodoh saya. Paling penting jodoh yang boleh terima baik buruk saya. Pretty sad to think about this, but ya will keep strong and pray the best. InsyaAllah by end 2021? Aminnnnnn Doakan lah ye. Your prayer that I hope now.
I don’t know macam mana boleh ke sini cerita dia. Just hopping only the best for 2021. InsyaAllah. Looking forward to explore brand new episode. Semoga covid takde dan Echa kahwin soon! And tak lupa the best for my parents dipanjangkan umur and limpahkan rezeki yang tak disangka2!!!!
Oh I love this entry. Hee. Happy new year everyone!!! See you againnn!
Wait before I Lupa, I dah pakai braces heheheh ye lah dari umur 15 kan nak pakai on 15 November 2020 Ni ada duit sendiri dapatlah pakai heheh
Love, aisyah.
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