The next phase of life.

Assalamualaikum and salam sejahtera everyone!

Hi everyoneeeeeeee, been missing to write long time ago but only now got time to write up and updating my blog. well yeahhhhhhh ive finish my degree where my last paper is on 17 july 2017, beautiful and memorable day. (actually still waiting for the result to come out, to ensure i can graduate or not, but hope for the best insyaAllah) Oh yaa still not to forget to wish everyone Selamat Hari Raya, even dah masuk zulkaedah dah hehehe but the raya vibe tho kan? 

Now i think its been two weeks im currently doing nothing at home. So basically what i wanna talk about today is about my future planning. By right now i should have my own planning, but ummmm i still dont have one and i dont know what i want. If you been following my blog you would probably know my ambition and what i want to achive. But as i grow older now, where every bits of the situation change. I barely dont know what i want and what to be achieve. Hm, im filling up master form to oversea, to my dream country but half way through, ive second thought about it. Been thinking about my parents, money and self. So how bout getting a job? im seriously not ready for this. ive just preparing my cv but not yet finish it. Ummmmm i dont have any courage to find a job. but i know that i have to right? and i dont have choice. 

The life dilemma really make me less self confidence, confius and mess. Ive been checking my social media and looking through my success-way-through friends and its put pressure on me. I dont know, some of my friend had found job, pass interview, got master opportunity, get her dream company to work with, graduate form oversea, famous media influencer, get calling for job interview, and me? I dont know, im a mess and totally a mess.

What next duh? I have to decide. Help me to decide, i should not waste my time by right now. And sadly but truth, i miss student life already, well ofcourse what i really miss is scholarship to support me hahaha no kidding i miss my friends and all. But what left now is just memories and pictures. i should make a special post for my degree life tho. Soon, remind me okay. I wanna post all of my friends picture here and tell about each and everyone of you guys. But for know go check my instagram yalls @echahmd okay hiks

This phase of life thought me about life tho. But im sure one day everything will going smoothly as ever. Slowly but surely and it not the end if its isnt an happy ending right? Adoring my idol, vivy who i think kinda perfect human being, have give me an encourage to live the cruel world. Well, insyaAllah with usaha everything will be okay. So i have to work harder in deciding my next phase of life now. yeah to find job but firstly finishing my resume or cv first!!!!!! My lazzy ass should be cut off and get up start fresh okay (actually an encourage words for me je ni hehe) You guys pray the best for me. Cant wait for me reach age 30 and still write blog like vivy but about my super cute baby and husband insyaAllah, Amin!

But after all, in life, its not a race who gonna win or not. Its a journey whereby every person who breath has different path in life. You just gotta do what you have to do, be who you wanna be. kan? So what i learned is that just never give up, chin up and just enjoy your life while you can! See everyone in my next post!

Till then, echa :)

In case you miss me. Its me now (2017) during my pre graduation dinner, most memorable night ever! I make up tau time ni, zoom sikit please, mahal bayar MUA hehe

22 and should I be scared for not having a boyfriend?

Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera everyone!

Well as usual im waiting for semester break for updating my blog. Hehe so here im on my semester break (read as internship) yeahhhhhhh im on internship right now. Hahaha im posting this entry during my internship at the office cause I don’t have any work to do and my boss is away so I think it is okay (kot?) But what ever I dah sapu sampah pagi tadi and all task given dah siap pun. Hahahah And oh ya I forget to tell you gais that this is my second day of intern and I dah naik kepala (kot?) hehe. So im going to intern here for about two months from 23 January till 17 march, well hoping that it will going smoothly.

So basically im here in my blog not going to just tell about progression in my life (?) hehe Back to the point “andartu” thingy. So as you guys might counting my age, im now turning 22 (im feeling twenty two-taylorswift) in 2017. Oh wait, I forget once again to wish happy new year! Happy 2017! Hope its not too late kan (?) Well andartu, the words that scared every little single women in this world!! Which is that including me! Yeahhh me.

As my previous post, ive mention Amir my secret crush, but then few months back I found out that he now already had a girlfriend which is my friend. So what a life, moved on. As the process of moved on, I met another little charming prince, Ammar. Its so funny, when actually he was my senior and one of my friend’s boyfriend’s friend. Get me? So from there I know him better, hm not better but I know him more and turns out jeng jeng jeng, he had already a girlfriend too. Blah blah blah. And now he is graduating degree oledy nahh so moved on again.

Its freaking 2017 and im freaking 22!! Im so fucking scared that I get no one to marry. Like all my close friend already have a boyfriend, my high school friend already have tunang and husband. Like TF?! I beign just potato here. I don’t know I can’t imagine like im gonna be andartu in future. I know some might have in mind that yow its only 22, just enjoy the life bruh! You still you go achieve your goals! Belaja sampai tinggi langit baru kahwin! Jadi kaya dulu baru kahwin! Humph, I don’t know why I felt like this. Hormone and environment? (Kot?)

But when thinking of building a family, that much actually make me scared too. Yaa, its like you gotta have a lot more responsibility to carry. Your husdband and housework thingy. And plus if you ada rezeki awal, might have a child. Like whatttt ? ( meme face ) So I just don’t know. I might not 100 percent ready, but at certain point, I just want to hold all that responsible like hey responsible come to me! Show yourself I can handle it lah! Hahaha i am confusion as heck, am i? I just wanna feel needed. Going back home or class, there will be someone cares on me. Macam tanya u dah makan? u nak i teman makan tak? u sihat? Hows your day? Its everything alright? and I really want someone to laugh at my joke, listen to all my story or just even I want to hear someone story too that prove im needed by someone. u feel?

Its just so hard. So damn f hard. Ive come across to this quote whereby we shouldn’t have to find. “Stop find, improve yourself. When the time comes, he will come without you searching” Nah now im not like mcm search kat web cari jodoh ke apa but still he is not here! Not even have on my contact list!  I am scared freaking scared! Ada kat sini yg sudi jadi teman? Hahah dapat teman makan je pun jadilah sbb all my friend tak suka mkn and im that person yg suka makan. Sampai kadang kadang dr Seremban pergi Nilai untuk cari ice cream je, sbb ice cream di Nilai lebih bernilai! Adiozza!

Love.

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone!

                        I know the title is sound so cheezzzzyyyy. And yes still i want to write about it. I dont  know but what i know is that I should just write before every single idea in my mind fade away. I also know that nobody would read my blog yaa since nobody like blogging nowadays they have twitter, instagram, snapchat and what so ever ( hey dont forget to folllow me @echahmd xoxo ) But i dont care, i still like blogging. Is something that i can make a longgggggg essayyy to express, share and what so ever my thought and feelings. Because you know i love to write, i wrote lots of things and i have lots of notes book in my house that full of the craps. Hee

                     So yaa back to the topic. What makes me write about this topic is that there is an article in facebook that pop up in my timeline that basically about the love towads father, which when his daugther is getting maried and blah blah blah. You know all the sad-craps-things during akad nikah. As far as i concern emmm not concern as far as i identify ( whatever words lah )  that love is devided to three. Love toward the Creator, human and other Makhluk.

                So may I focus on love to human? yup i think yup im gonna focus to human. Dear my beloved people who ever read this entry, actually not everything i share to public, only the things that i choose to share. So dont get me wrong what story that i'm gonna tell you guys. Actually few days ago, i got huge fight with my father. It was really huge. And i dont know how it became so big fight. I'm not a good daughter and i knew that. I do always make both my parents sad. Make them regret to have me. And now I dont know how to fix everything. Is not like we are not talking, what i realize today evrythings is different. We are not like usual we are. I don't know who to talk to. Siblings? Friends? I'm confius but it seem like blog can make me feel better kot? 

               I love my father. Who dont love their father right? I hope its just my feelings and i hope what happen a few day ago never happen!!!  i hope its just a dream. I'm such a jerk! I just wants everythings back to normal! I always dissapointed him. Spm result, university course and what next? Might be lots others things. I'm such a loser! 

                Hm, guys and including future myself, a really important reminder don't ever make mistake regarding family's love especially your parents love! Your father loves is everything. He taking good care of you guys since you were born! And love them as much and even more than your father or even mother loves you! Pray for them like every single day in you solat! Remember all the good things he done to you before you go beyond the limits as a child! As you getting old, your parents getting older! Love them! Think before you speak because terlajak perahu boleh di undur terlajak kata badan binasa!

                Last word, love everyone and even love yourself! Love is a good things. Share the love and spread the love! 

I love you guuys so much! I'm sorry for what happen! I love both of you!

2016

Assalamuaikum everybody!

                   Gosh, what happen to me? its been long fucking time i've ever came acrosss to visit my blog. Urgh miss you so much. Hug and kisses to my blog. Hehe. it was superbly akward writting on this blog. Yeah. So many things happen in life. And well as i checking on my phone today is 31st January 2016. Oh wait, thats mean i had been a month for this new year. And yeah i know its kinda late to wish but hey Happy New Fucking Year guys!

                   Errr what did just happen to me? I keep wanna say bad things. Errr. Hell yah its 2016. My resolution? nah jot it on my diary. Nope on this online diary but the one with pen to write with. Hoping for the best this year. If i can list down what  happen along the 2015, it would turn into unstable graft. Too many ups and down. Family, friends, study and life. Thats the big thing i would remember about last year. oh my god, time flies fast dude. Take a breath and chill time. But babes, 2015 teach me a lot. The age of 20 gave me lot of experience. Totally a lot! Damn wish i could jot everything here buddy! 

                 So yeah when i writting this i am in my sem breaks. Wait up, Semester three breaks! Hell yeah three semester to go! Study so far okay. Serounding with friends, classmates, housemates, new people, old people and Amir! Wait who is Amir? The person who start the name with A! hehe. Nah he just a person i known at college. But i notice him a lot and i dont even think he notice me. Had crush on him since the early start of sem 3. Wow you go on my blog thats mean you're part that i'm gonna read again and again. hehe. He just a gentleman,charming, handsome, kind hearted and i just want to know him more. But sadly, i know i would never ever have the guts to talk to him ( except during the SOMA exhibition, the time we were so close and you smile back to me. awhhhhh) Stalking you on twitter and instagram and lunch hour and at the fac would be just fine to me ( erghhhhh  i wantna talk to you and be friend with you )

           End my crush story. Oh wait. No not done, theres some others guys i crush on. For example.... Oh no not gonna list out here. Its going to be literally not a good idea. But i met friend last week and he was my best friend. And yaeh since the time i met him last week i think shitzzzz ive crush on him! errrrr bad me is so bad ass. Then theres is other person that i yaaa stalk his twitter and instagram like everyday. Myself know who they was so should not write in here too. huhu. Hm, when did the right person will come? Age of 21 was start not-so-good. ( yeah the exam thing on the new year night countdown sucks!)

Ever since i sat alone having a lil me time i did asking to my self, what did this year would ever be to myself? We will see and experience it by myself! hoping the best! Adioz Amigo!

Me in 2015 with my new phone back then. Now its not new since i bought it last year hehe. See you again in my next post. Salam sayang, Aisyah :)

Brand new self :)

( Welcoming my new baby in my room, hehe ) 

Tonight feel so different, 

After being stuck in the horrible world,

World that I created it by myself,

But now hey I'm free,

I'm happy. 

Night everybody 

Kau.

Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera semua :)

 

 

             Harini 25 July 2015, aku tekad nak jot something dalam online diary aku. Nak tell the world, nak aku ingat this momment and nak aku ingat perasaan harini. Oh sebelum tu sempena masih dalam bulan syawal ni aku nak ucap Selamat Hari Raya semua, mohon ampun salah dan silap. Jemputlah datang rumah :)

 

            Gelap. Koyak. Basah. Ha itu perasaan aku. Aku nak tulis entry harini pasal kau. Ye awak! Hm, aku tahu kau tahu blog aku tapi i.m 100% sure kau takkan baca this entry. Harini kau fly. Cita2 kau tercapai. *clap hands. 11.50 tadi kau berangkat dah dan by the time aku tulis ni kau tengah on your way dalam flight, Semoga dipermudahkan dan selamat sampai Malbourne!

 

            Aku tak dapat nak hantar kau, sebab aku pasti parents aku memang tak bagilah aku nak drive sampai KLIA. lagipun kau fly malam bila pulak aku nak balik batu pahat nantikan. Tapi aku dah say sorry awal2, so hopefully its okay. Or sebenarnya kau memang langsung tak kesah? Hm --' 

 

           Sebenarnya aku dah simpan hasrat aku nak bagi tahu kau sebelum kau terbang tadi. Aku dah berbulan bulan planning nak bagi tahu kau. Tapi entah mulut ni tangan ni senang kata diri ni halang dari aku bagi tahu kau. Aku sedih. Kenapa diri aku ni tak bagi aku nak bagi tahu kau! Why? Dont you love me, myself? Aku nak bagi tahu kau benda yang aku pendam bertahun tahun. Things that never change since the first time aku nampak kau. Since the time aku dan kau berjumpa. Things that will end up either make me happy or vice versa. Tapi diri aku takut cause aku tahu the percentage possibility untuk bawa kepada kesedihan tu lebih banyak dari kegembiraan. 

 

             So akhirnya its end up aku tak bagi tahu kau. Aku pendamkannya lagi dalam dalam. Mungkin makin dalam dari tahun tahun lalu. Semalam aku jumpa kau malam sebelum kau berangkat. Alhamdulliah the last minit plan went well. Aku dapat jumpa kau. Dapat aku bertanya keadaan kau sebelum kau terbang. Kita banyak borak malam tu. Aku rasa gugup sangat masa kau cakap dengan aku bila kau pandang tepat mata aku. Aku nampak kejayaan kat mata kau time kau cerita about Malbourne. Aku tahu kau akan berjaya. Kau boleh!

 

           Kau, ade one time malam tu aku pandang kau. Tapi kau tak perasan aku tengok kau. Kau sebuk borak. Tapi aku kat sisi kau so possibility untuk kau tak perasan tu besar. Aku tahu ni sounds scary gila bapak lah aku usha orang. Kau tahu masa aku pandang kau tu aku berharap sepenuhnya kot kot aku dapat transfer perasaan aku kat kau. Dah bertahun tahun aku pendam. Dah dekat sedekad. Sebenarnya aku deny perasaan ni. Aku deny! Aku try nak avoid dengan find another man to replace you, find another things yang buat aku lupa perasaan ni. Tapi aku silap perasaan tu aku gam dengan gam uhu.

 

            Banyak kali kau cerita pasal ex kau. So aku ni kira macam tahulah pasal ex kau. So malam tu aku tanye kau kenape ex kau ade marah kau bulan lepas sebab aku terbaca tweet ex kau. Then kau bukak cerita. Masa kau bukak cerita tu kau tahu apa aku dah cakap kat diri aku? Aku cakap Cah get ready this gonna hurt you so much. Then yaa apa sangkaan aku betul. Kau dah bahagia sekarang. And by the time kau bagi tahu tu aku sendiri tak tahu apa aku rasa. its like aku bahagia sangat tengok kau bahagia tapi aku sedih tapi takpelah because aku tahu that girl must be so much better to compare with me tapi aku sakit tapi eh kau memang tak patut pun dengan aku. 

         Kau, payahnya aku nak buang rasa ni. Aku taknak pun ada rasa ni. Aku tak mampu nak rasa perasaan ni. Kau, aku cuba untuk cari orang lain, aku cuba nak tengok orang lain macam the way aku tengok kau. Kau.....

        All the best kau kat sana, jaga dirikau kat sana, jaga iman, solat jangan tinggal, dah pandang langit tanah jangan dilupa, belajar rajin rajin, buat mak ayah kau bangga ada anak macam kau dan semoga kau berbahagia disana bersama orang orang yang kau sayangi kat Malaysia ni!

     Biarlah aku dengan perasaan aku. Suatu masa nanti perasaan ni akan hilang. Aku yakin. Kau tak perlu tahu pun apa aku rasa ni. Biar dia hilang bersama air mata aku yang mengalir ni. 

AKU BAHAGIA KALAU KAU BAHAGIA!

Belajar bersyukur.

Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera semua :)

Aku selalu cemburu dengan kawan yang sambung belajar kat oversea.

Aku selalu cemburu dengan kawan yang pergi trip sama-sama.

Aku selalu cemburu dengan kawan yang dapat result super hebat.

Aku selalu cemburu dengan kawan yang ada gadget yang awesome.

                 Biasalah semua perasaan ni mesti wujudkan, takyah tipu lah lagi2 dalam kalangan remaja umur sebaya aku ni. Peringkat umur yang sentiasa ingin tahu, mencuba dan kenal dunia. Aku rasa ni lah keburukan sosial media sekarang ni like instagram ofc. People will post whatever they do, whereever they go and whatever lah. I know, depa punya niat baik nak mai tunjuk kat kawan kawan kegembiraan depa. Their post will surely make others cemburu dengan nikmat yang Allah beri kat dia. This feeling will lead to ======> RASA TAK BERSYUKUR!

                Kerdilnya manusia sering kali punya rasa seperti ni. Haish, susah kalau iman takat paras pingang je ni. Orang pakai iphone6 kau pun sibuk nak iphone6 jugak, padahal hakikatnya kau dah ada phone yang boleh dikatakan canggih tapi disebabkan kau rasa tak bersyukur ni, mulalah nak upgrade konon. Aku rasa dalam banyak banyak feeling yang wujud dalam dunia ni, this one is one of the perasaan yang paling susah sekali! 

             Jalan penyelesai? Aku pun tak tahu. But so far kalau aku ada feeling macam ni, aku akan ingat orang orang yang tak dapat apa yang aku dapat sekarang. I put myself in their shoes. Like the people in Syria or Gaza or Africa, they cant get enough basic needs, they dont really have pretty dress to wear, they dont eat good food and many more. Dengan semua gambaran kat negara ni, aku akan try sedaya upaya untuk rasa bersyukur dengan apa yang aku ada.

              Aku may not have a lot of TRUE friends, but that should not things to worry about because nanti aku kat kubur pun hidup sendiri. I may not go travel with friends but that no a big problem because i percaya one fine day i will travel with my bestfriendforever, my husband InsyaAllah kalau dipanjangkan umur dan jumpa jodoh. I may not study oversea but then its okay Allah has better plan for me. ( Doakan lagi dua tahun dapat sambung ke UK for ICSA insyaAllah Amin! ) ( Tapi sekarang ni cemburu tu rasa membuak buak sangat yelah membe belajar Rusia tapi satu bumi Eropah dia dah jelajah, Sabar cah sabar. )

             So I think thats no a big deal lah kalau aku tak dapat buat or get what other people get. Bcs aku try nak belajar bersyukur. ( But I'm only human.....) its okay huh. Allah always have better plan for me. Ayat ayat nak sedapkan hati je ni. Cumanya harap dapatlah kereta sebiji untuk bawak balik Seremban next sem HAHA Adiozzzzzz!

 

 After presentation semester satu haritu, ada rupa ahli corporate tak? hihi Kbai.